Chaotic Mourning

 We had reached an equilibrium, he and I. It wasn't perfect, but the Boy and I had a schedule. Breakfast with cartoons, playtime, nap time (for him, too!), cooking Daddy's supper together, family time, and bed time. I knew when Baby Brother comes, this would all change and throw us into a period of chaos. I have prepared myself for that eventuality. What I didn't realize was how soon the chaos would come upon us. I thought we'd have our normal, a crazy hospital stay, and THEN the chaos. How could there be chaos when there's no tiny, Hulk baby to make the world turn upside down yet? Ah, but the force is strong with this one. (Yes, I mixed universes, get over it.) Tiny, Hulk-baby-in-utero wanted to make sure no one forgot he's coming soon, and so, Mommy got put on bed rest. Now, suddenly, in the span of an afternoon, nothing's the same... But all seemed the same... Except that Mommy has to nap a lot (this is my devastated face). It's the same schedule, but with grandmas here to help. What could be more fun?

But after the 50th, "Mommy, where are you?" and the 100th screaming fit when I left the room (I had to potty...again), and the 500th defiance to "obey," it's become quite clear that something's not the same. The Boy can sense a disturbance within the force (I'm really not a Star Wars fan, I promise). And as I asked myself what am I doing wrong, I was made to realize, "something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm playing by the rules of someone else's game." (Ok, I'll stop.)

But seriously, all theatrical references aside, Mommy's no longer in control... And while that's not a bad thing, perhaps it's good for both of us to have that experience right now, it still means chaos. Because in Boy-world, if Mommy's not in control, who is? And in Mommy-world, if I can't get our act together now, how on earth will I know which way is up when there's two of them (there's gonna be TWO of them!)?

Today, I failed at controlling the chaos. And then I realized that's what it is: chaos. Sooner than I expected, prepared for, but here nonetheless. I've been mourning the loss of normal, or the arrival of chaos, or chaotically mourning, or just having a chaotic morning. Who knows?! Time to embrace it.

And THEN, I'll get to embrace that squishy, 'little' Hulk-baby, and teach him how to upset Daddy with misguided geekdom references. I had the order backwards, but that's chaos for you.

Boys

It was 2:41am. I heard a door shut. The pitter patter of little feet. Our bedroom door open and close. Then, a little voice, “Mommy? I si’ wi’ you?”

 “I’m here, baby. You can sit with me,” not knowing or caring what time it was, the object simply being to just give him whatever he wants so we can all rest, principles left in the eye-grit of sleep.

“Daddy? Whatcha doomin?” as if most parents do any number of things in the dark in the middle of the night… I don't know, perhaps it was a valid question, but “Shh, baby, Daddy's sleeping. If you're going to stay in here, you have to be quiet and be still.” A whispered, “K,” answered from the dark.

We settled back down, somehow with Boy legs against my very large belly. Just as breathing becomes even and a mother’s hope rises, I feel the flops. “Mommy, was dat?” *Sigh* It had been one of those rare-at-this-point, hard sleeps. “That's the baby. He’s trying to sleep, too,” I hope, though I doubt his brother-in-utero really had much plans to that effect after having been awakened so early...or late, depending on which side of the clock you're on. “Shh...go to sleep.” Big brother settled back down; little brother did whatever he wanted.

And it was in that instant that my now-awake consciousness (it had been such a GOOD sleep) realized the beauty of motherhood encapsulated by that moment. The preciousness of snuggling my two boys in a way I soon will never again. The little boy wiggles, inside and out. The desperate clinging to some principle in the face of midnight requests for Mommy. The exhaustion...oh, the exhaustion (it had been SUCH a GOOD sleep). All rolled together into one shadow-hazed yawn of a soft mattress and warm blankets on a cold, winter night.

He tried. He really did. But an hour later, after a request of Mickey and, “I hungwy,” Mommy gave up. Between the three of us taking turns wiggling (I couldn't help it!), and waking the other two light sleepers up again, it just wasn't happening. Daddy sleeps hard, but his slumber can only take so much when faced with the wiggling elephant and her two offspring on the other side of the bed. So, based on the principle that he and I can't do this together much longer (that counts, right?), Mommy and the Boy snuck off for a little midnight (early morning?) snack and Mickey binging. Granmommy’s coming to play tomorrow (today). I’ll catch up on bedrest, then. If she’s lucky, maybe the Boy will, too.

I've Looked at Clouds from Both Sides Now...

We have made much progress on Baby's room! We've gotten a lot done in the last few weeks. It's been so exciting to watch things come together just like (or better than) I imagined!

 I think I mentioned before that we had bought the crib and the changing table/dresser. The dresser needed painting so that it would no longer look like a purply-gray Dalmation. We did indeed paint the dresser, a chest of drawers, a corner cabinet, and a wall shelf Sherwin Williams' "Dover White." All of the pieces look revived, refreshed, and relieved from years in a sad coat of paint.

While we had the furniture in the garage for painting, we also painted Baby's bedroom walls. When my husband and I were dating, and I would visit his family, I was always placed in what used to be my brother-in-law's bedroom. His room was on the second floor, as far as you could get away from everyone else (the privacy was appreciated in a house full of boys), and the walls were bright blue with clouds everywhere. My brother-in-law had planes and dragons everywhere, and I could see how cool it could be as a boy's room. BUT as a girl, staying in that room, surrounded by clouds, I always felt like a princess living in the highest room in the tallest tower. I could easily have made that room into a fairy castle in the sky. So, all throughout dating my husband, I always thought that if we ever had children, we'd paint the room just like that. And since my mother-in-law (former Art Studies major) had painted the room by herself the first time, we should have no problem recreating the paint job.

Fast forward seven years, and my husband and I were ready to paint the room blue with clouds. Except this time, I didn't want bright, little boy blue; I wanted soft, soothing, baby blue since we aren't finding out the gender of this baby. Sherwin Williams was helpful enough to carry "Aviary Blue," which was the perfect shade.

The technique to make the clouds was rather unusual. Usually when you think blue with clouds, you think, paint everything blue and then paint white clouds on top. My mother-in-law had a better way. We painted the entire room bright white first and let it dry. Then, I went around the room and marked where I wanted the clouds to be. She would roll on some blue around the cloud area, and then wipe off the blue with a wet rag to make the clouds. It sounds confusing, I know. I couldn't visualize how it would be done beforehand. I just trusted my mother-in-law. She'd done it once. I assumed she could do it again. 

You are in luck. I had took a video (of marginal quality) of my mother-in-law "finding" a cloud. You can see for yourself how we did it:

Isn't that amazing? It turned out perfectly! I'm so in love with the room! Here are some pictures of it in progress.

Brown-to-White Day

Brother-in-law helping

 

Mother-in-law painting

Husband on a ladder

Cloud Day!

I marked where I wanted clouds with blue tape.

Pregnant me wiping clouds with MIL 

MIL painting

And so we had our blue cloud baby room.

Since we aren't finding out the gender, I've decided to go with yellow accents for the room. I found some lovely yellow damask canvas fabric that my amazing mother-in-law helped make into a slipcover for the rocking chair I already had. I recovered the ottoman in the same fabric that I found at Hobby Lobby. At Lowe's, we found the same color yellow in a Valspar spray paint, which my wonderful husband used to paint a lamp we already had yellow. Also at Hobby Lobby, I found some yellow fabric that was already gathered with stretchy thread. I used that fabric and this lady's idea to make a crib skirt. We moved back in the furniture, cleaned out the closet, and soon will work on window treatments to filter the light for naptimes. Mostly, we're just waiting on Baby. We're are so incredibly happy!

Here's the (mostly) finished room!

Where Dreams About Potty Breaks Probably Means You Need to Wake Up and Go...

Most of you have heard by now, but for those of you who haven't, my husband and I are expecting a baby in October, if the Lord wills. This, of course, accounts for my long absence from my writing. Between work and pregnancy issues, I haven't felt like doing anything, much less writing about it. However, work is slowing down, and the pregnancy issues have regulated somewhat (for the moment), so this Momma is about to have lots of projects to tell you about!

I can't wait to get started on all the things I want to do before Baby comes! For those who care, and so I'll have it written down somewhere, here's the list of large projects I hope to complete:

• Find a crib

• Find a dresser to use as a changing table

• Paint furniture for Baby's room

• Paint Baby's room

• Make slipcover for rocking chair

• Engineer some way to filter light from the half-moon window in Baby's room

• Find curtains

• Clean out closets in both extra bedrooms to make room for Baby's stuff

• Have a Yard Sale with the items cleaned out of the closets

And that's just the short list... so far...
Of course, ideally, we'll get most of this done in the next couple of months so that by the time October rolls around and I'm hideously uncomfortable, I won't still be worried about all of this. We'll see.

Fortunately, thanks to some wonderful parents and in-laws of mine, we have two of the items already marked off the list. A few weeks ago, while I was slaving diligently into the night (ok, so it felt like night), my parents called me. They had discovered a crib that they thought I might like. I must assure you that I do like it! It is a crib, but converts to a toddler bed and then to a twin bed. It's just what I wanted.

My lovely parents brought it home for us, and helped us get it out of the box.

My dad and husband unpacking the box.

Baby's bed!

 The next day, while I was gone, my sweet husband set up the crib to surprise me.

Isn't it precious!?

Meanwhile, I had decided that instead of a traditional changing table, I wanted to convert a dresser into a changing table. This would allow the furniture in Baby's room to grow with Baby.
After telling this to my in-laws, they jumped right on it. Searching in antique shops, thrift stores, and Craigslist, they sent me picture after picture of dressers they thought I might like. While I didn't end up choosing one that they found (though I almost did), their ideas helped me decide what I was looking for in a dresser. I decided that I was going for a look something like this:

Image via Pinterest

Obviously, what I'm looking for is not exactly like this. For one thing, who puts shelves down so far on the wall where the baby could reach them while being changed? I'm not really sure about some people's style choices these days. Nonetheless, as far as the dresser/changing table situation goes, I really liked this style. I like that there's a pad for the changing, but enough room to the side to possibly put a basket of diapers, wipes, etc. I also like that there are drawers for storage, but also cabinets for some things that might not fit in drawers. The dresser is also generic and versatile enough to become just a dresser once Baby is grown and a changing table is no longer needed.

But you don't need to hear me go on and on forever about why I like it. All you need to know is that this is similar to what I was looking for. So, this past weekend, my husband and I made a forage into the depths of a flea market in search. Amazingly, we found it. It, also, is perfect.

Baby's changing table

It's a strange gray color, and unfortunately, has been distressed to within an inch of its life, but otherwise is perfect. We plan to paint it an antique white color to match the crib and hopefully rescue it from those who are distress-crazed. Now, don't get me wrong. I think some distressing is just fine. But this poor piece had begun to resemble a faded out Dalmatian. You can see from its elegant lines that this dresser (which may actually be a buffet) did not deserve this sort of unjust indignity.

So, with the discovery of the changing table/dresser, we have one more thing checked off the list. Along with painting this, we have two more items of furniture to paint the same antique white. You may have also noticed that the walls behind the crib are brown, like the walls in the rest of the house. We're planning to take a gutsy leap (for us) and paint Baby's room an ethereal blue with white clouds. We hope to begin all sorts of painting projects (for which I will mostly be supervising) soon.

We are so very excited to welcome this new little life and are praying for health. Many prayers are appreciated, and hopefully, we'll keep you updated as we go along!